• Frequently Asked Questions •
About Being Gay and Frum

Are there other frum gay Jews out there?
So, is it possible to be gay and a religiously observant Jew?
What does the Torah say about homosexuality?
What can I do about sex as a frum gay Jew?
What about the mitzvah of pru urvu (procreation)?
Any advice on coming out?
What can I tell people who say they hate homosexuals?

Are there other frum gay Jews out there?
Yes, there are many people who are frum and LGBTQ. Now there are more resources than ever. For one, consult our resources and links on the Rescources/Links page. You can also contact us by e-mail--or ask to join our e-mail list--at GLYDSA.list@gmail.com. If you're under thirty, you should also check out JQYouth.org.
-top-

So, is it possible to be gay and a religiously observant Jew?
Yes. Being sexually attracted to people of the same sex - having a gay (homosexual) orientation - does not violate halacha (Jewish law) in any way. Halacha only addresses behavior and conduct; it does not attempt to control feelings or sexual attractions. A person can be gay and also observe all the mitzvos (commandments). There is no contradiction in being gay and being frum.
-top-

What does the Torah say about homosexuality?
The Torah does not say anything about being gay--about having a homosexual orientation. What the Torah addresses is certain specific homosexual conduct. The Torah says:

"Ve-et zachar lo tishcav mishkevei isha to'evah hi" (Vayikra 18:22)
"A man shall not lie with another man as he would lie with a woman, it is an abhorrence (n.1)" (Leviticus 18:22).

"Ve-ish asher yishcav et zachar mishkevei isha to'evah asu shneihem mot yumtu demeihem bam." (Vayikra 20:13).
"A man who lies with a man [in the way of] lying with a woman, both of them have done an abhorrent thing (n.1) and shall die for it." (Leviticus 20:13).

Chazal (the Rabbis) understand that here "mishkevei," which is translated as "lie," means anal penetration (Sanhedrin 54). So the Torah, Chazal tell us, says that two men should not have anal sex; it is a to'evah--an "abhorrence" (n.1). We learn that to'evah is a contraction for "to'eh atah bah" ("being led astray") (Nedarim 51a). And while halacha has prohibited other things because they might lead to anal sex (Sefer HaMitzvos 353; Even HaEzer 20), other things are not a to'evah.

The Torah does not specifically address homosexual conduct between women at all, but halacha says that women should avoid it (Even HaEzer 20). Sexual activity between two women, though, is not a to'evah.
-top-

What can I do about sex as a frum gay Jew?
As frum Jews, we strive to observe as many mitzvos as possible. Some decide not to act on their sexual feelings. Others feel that they need intimate sexual contact with another person. Many men, though, decide not to have anal sex based on the psukim in Vayikra (verses in Leviticus), and understand this to be a limit that G-d put on what two men can do (other limits, for example, are placed on what we eat [kashrus, the Jewish dietary laws] and when straight couples can have sex [niddah, the marital purity laws]). The important thing to remember is that whatever you decide, you are always a Jew and you can also be frum.
-top-

What about the mitzvah of pru urvu (procreation)?
Some gay people feel they can make a good marriage and fulfill the important mitzvah of having children. Surrogacy gives gay people possibilities today they didn't have in the past. Today many LGBT Jews have created families with children. And anyone, queer or straight, who does not have children is still a full-fledged member of the Jewish community and can still be an observant Jew. For example, the great Tanna (Sage) Shimon Ben Azzai, who never married or had children, said "the world can be perpetuated by others." (Yevamos 63b).
-top-

Any advice about coming out?
Coming out is a very personal process. There is no timeline, no right way or wrong way. Some people come out to a friend first, while others choose a parent or parents or other close family members. Don't feel pressured. The Trevor Project website contains helpful information about coming out for LGBTQ people of any age. For those age 25 or under, they provide a crisis hotline (1-866-488-7386) with a safe and judgment-free place to talk. Through their website, they offer text and chat options and, as we said, LOTS of information.
-top-

What can I tell people who say they hate homosexuals?
Most often feelings of hate are based on ignorance, misunderstanding, and fear of the unknown. And it may not be so much "hate" as disapproval of certain conduct. Attitudes often change with education, and after meeting gay people and understanding halacha, most people will accept the fact that a person is gay. It may also help to remind them that Hillel said: Ve-al tadin et chavercha ad she-tagia li-mkomo (Pirke Avos 2:5) (Do not judge your fellow until you are in his place. Ethics of the Fathers 2:5).
-top-

These responses are consistent with halacha (Jewish law) and Jewish tradition and were reviewed by Orthodox Rabbis.

Note 1: The translation of "to'evah" is usually "abhorrence" or "abomination." It is used in the Tanach (the Bible) approximately one hundred times in connection with various kinds of conduct such as arrogant behavior, using false scales, and most often worshiping idols (avodah za'ra). To'evah is used in many situations that do not involve issues of sexuality or "morality."

-back to top-